grand optimist

Since the words are a little sketchy today, I'm just going to answer a simple question.

What do you love most about your family?

This is where I search because my family is no different then any other. Different, dramatic, and sometimes the reason your making an appointment with a therapist. I guess despite everything,I love the fact that everyone in my family feels so strongly about what they are fighting for. They believe in something enough to tear through everything for it. I love that from some I get that true support system-- the feeling of not being alone when all you want to do is be left alone. I get tired of answering redundant text messages and updating near and distant cousins. In this sick and twisted way, I love that sometimes you feel stuck with them so you have to find reasons to love them. You have to dig through the bullshit and ego-based judgements and anger and find the raw love. You have to look at them through your heart (which isn't always a gracious and easy task). I also love that family isn't limited. As you grow older in years, you expand your family. You welcome new people, give birth to them, and convert friends into the group. There is never a lack of opportunity to welcome new recruits to the special warm place in your heart. I love that I don't get them, sometimes I can't stand them, and sometimes can't wait to have my chance to start over and create my own. That sounds odd to say right? but IT IS one of the reasons why I love the family I was born with. They are deep inside me enough to where they affect my emotions. A cynicist would say it's because they are assholes and I could care less, but I know it's the opposite. It hurts that my dad's sisters are hot on the looney bin train and don't know how to interact with us peacefully. It sucks that I cut off ties with them, it sucks that sometimes I can't stand my own sister.

But they are mine.

& I will always love them and send them the brightest of love and rawest of love.