"Kindness costs nothing."-IRISH PROVERB
For whom or what could you kneel and kiss the ground?
Looking into my dog's eyes right now, I could kneel to the ground, and kiss him. It's been a hard week for the both of us. He's been suffering his after-effects for getting into some treats he shouldn't have and I'm just exhausted. It's a strange occurrence when you get resentful because you care TOO much. I hope Jack knows how sorry I am when I want to be left alone in my room or watch a single episode of SVU in peace. I just needed my alone time. I hope he knows how much I love him.
I could kneel and kiss the ground for every person that's inspired me, disgusted me, and forced me to grow. We don't chose the lessons that life serves us, we can only choose the attitude in which we digest them, so that they may serve us to the best of their abilities. I kiss the ground for all the people I've met in my life and the one's I can count on my hand that I can call my friends. The people who see different shades of me on different days, some are agreeable, some are very disagreeable. Yet, it's the entire mix-matchup pallet that makes this creature. Lately, I've felt so frustrated. Frustrated by people, situations, missed opportunities, fear, and whatever else. In my depths of me, I want to kiss the ground and just thank whoever wants to listen that I'm happy to be alive, happy to be here. I want to make good of my time in this earth and shacked up in this skin. i want to make good on whoever created me and the puppeteer behind the nooks and crannies of my personality. I want to make good on MYSELF. It's a sure thing in every young woman's life that sooner or later you have to remind yourself that there is more to life than someone's hand to hold, more than the current eye of your affection, more than whether or not they like you back. We consume so much of our time and lives being worried about things we can't control. We worry away all our free time to enjoy life, experience something new, or just feel the waves of our breath shifting through the arteries. To me, it's impossible to love someone when you have not yet learned how to love yourself and being with yourself. Yet, like the feeble fucking creature I am, I stumble, I fall, and I wonder why so-and-so doesn't try/likeme/wanttohangoutwithme/whatever. WHO CARES? I always say that I want to create a good experience for myself, but by the looks of everything I haven't been doing a very good job. Happiness is an art and I want to create it every chance I get.
Like right now as I smile warming at these page full of words. Not thinking if what I said made any sense or if it sounds eloquent and fit for The Atlantic Weekly. The magnificence of life isn't hidden behind a great awakening or a swiss bank account. It's also in the deepest disasters and most troubling questions. Don't be afraid to step out and be present to it.
xo.
L.
0 comments:
Post a Comment